So much has happened in the past few weeks... it seems crazy. Ben is moving in this week, summer league started, marathon was last weekend and i think we found a puppy.
We have had many conversations about what it means to live together and to have a puppy and how things will change, but some things will remain the same. it isn't about asking permission or needing approval, it's about being respectful of the other person's time and obligations and making decision for us. There have been moments of nervousness and moments of anxiety, but in the end I feel from the bottom of my hear that we are ready for this move. (which is probably a good thing since it's happening). I think there will tough moments, but at the end of the day we will work through them-
On the marathon front... freakin awesome! I loved it. I mean during the race there were moments when I thought death would be better, but I have never felt the sense of accomplishment that I felt when I crossed the finish line. I am addicted. I can't wait to run another!!
Saturday, May 30, 2009
Wednesday, May 6, 2009
tattoo on my soul
There are moments of "what could have been" and "what ifs" in everyone's world. Today, I got a phone call that broke my heart. My heart is breaking, because a friendship that I hold very close is going to change.
I am the the "other girl" in someones relationship without even realizing it. Our bi-monthly phone calls and random yearly visits have caused enough chaos and confusion for another woman that he has been asked to not talk to me any longer. I never wanted to cause doubt or someone to feel insecure or unloved.
I acted innocently and I caused pain. My heart breaks not me, but for him. He didn't understand the hurt he was causing by continuing the friendship unchanged with me. My heart breaks for him because he didn't see that she was valid in her feelings and that by not changing his actions he lost the woman he was meant to be with.
I feel angry at myself for not seeing that and for not removing myself from the situation. I am a better friend than to allow hurt to continue while I do nothing. I can only imagine the resentment that has been festering for the past two years.
I am sympathetic to the girl because I know how it feels to not understand why the person you loves insists on keeping in touch with someone that is only causing turmoil between the two of you. I am hurting because I never stopped to find out how she felt about him and I continuing our friendship. I ache because if she had been willing to get to know me, she would have understood that we interact like a brother and sister, nothing more.
My heart is breaking because there is nothing I can do... someone close to me has lost the person they were made to grow old with because of me. How do two people move forward? How do I continue a friendship that has had so many sacrifices made on my behalf?
Mine is not the name tattooed on his soul... and his is not on mine.
I am the the "other girl" in someones relationship without even realizing it. Our bi-monthly phone calls and random yearly visits have caused enough chaos and confusion for another woman that he has been asked to not talk to me any longer. I never wanted to cause doubt or someone to feel insecure or unloved.
I acted innocently and I caused pain. My heart breaks not me, but for him. He didn't understand the hurt he was causing by continuing the friendship unchanged with me. My heart breaks for him because he didn't see that she was valid in her feelings and that by not changing his actions he lost the woman he was meant to be with.
I feel angry at myself for not seeing that and for not removing myself from the situation. I am a better friend than to allow hurt to continue while I do nothing. I can only imagine the resentment that has been festering for the past two years.
I am sympathetic to the girl because I know how it feels to not understand why the person you loves insists on keeping in touch with someone that is only causing turmoil between the two of you. I am hurting because I never stopped to find out how she felt about him and I continuing our friendship. I ache because if she had been willing to get to know me, she would have understood that we interact like a brother and sister, nothing more.
My heart is breaking because there is nothing I can do... someone close to me has lost the person they were made to grow old with because of me. How do two people move forward? How do I continue a friendship that has had so many sacrifices made on my behalf?
Mine is not the name tattooed on his soul... and his is not on mine.
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