it's been awhile

although it has been awhile, i think it's important to point out i have busy... it doesn't mean that things haven't been running through my head at a million miles an hour, but i haven't found the down time to write anything that i have been feeling down.

recently it seems that i have become accustom to taking care of someone else. i certainly adore ben... let's be honest.... i love him, but when did i become someone who truly is content with taking care of someone else? does that make me sound resentful, because i absolutely am not. i want ben to be happy and to know that i care about him enough that i am willing, even happy to do things for him (that i obviously know he can do for himself). does that mean i am growing up? i am not asking for anything in return?

i was questioned tonight about why we are moving in together. i found this to be relatively funny.... possibly amusing. why does anyone move in with someone? my response to this question... we care about each other, we want to know that every night we will lay down and fall asleep next to each other, we know that there is no one else we would rather bicker with, there is no one i would rather wake up next to. he is my rock, the person i count on. i think so many times i reach out and complain about him, but honestly, he is a good guy... he cares and i know he does even if he doesn't always show it. i know that he loves me and when it comes down to it, he would do anything for me.

there should be no doubters out there... ben and i are stronger than most think. we compliment each other in ways that no one understands. he keeps me grounded, he is a point of reference. he can say to me that i am being ridiculous without it hurting my feelings... he is the person i want. he makes me better... so please stop doubting. please stop thinking i am making a mistake. i am more sure of this than anything else... i may get nervous and i may get scared, but you are talking about moving in together and that's a big deal... it doesn't matter how old we are... or how long we have been together. if we are ok with it, then that is what matters.