Monday, March 16, 2009

lsd run... long, slow, distant

I mean really? Our LSD run today turned into 8:20 splits. I dont' think Ben and I can run slow together. I think that we are both far too competitive. That probably why Uno and Skippo and other card games don't work well for the two of us. That and I always beat him!! haha.

It seems that recently I have been questioning myself and about my ability to be in a relationship. When did this self-doubt creep into my world? I used to be amazingly confident. Nothing rattled me... but now, it seems that even the smallest thing can send me into an emotional spiral. I am not sure how to stop the spiral once it has started and I have never depended on someone else to help me slow the spin and regain control. And everyone knows how much I love not being in control.

I am not sure if I need to "find" myself again or what. But I am not sure I am good at relying on someone else.

The thing I can count on is definitely my running. I went out today- yes, outside and ran the hell out of the 5 miles. Not a very long distance, but it felt good. I needed to run just enough to work all the junk out of my muscles from yesterday and then stretch out. I think I am going to change my running schedule.. I need more miles in my world. mmm... maybe then i can loose the last 7 pounds that i can't seem to shake!

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